Over the past year, I had been thinking, and thinking, as I watch the world get more and more strange.
Truthfully, I had gotten little done this year. I'd been trying - and overall failing - to get over a slump, if you will, in motivation to get work done and to really establish myself.
Call it... a state of semi-suspended animation, where some notes get written down, but through the vicissitudes of life, the ideas within these notes never come to fruition.
The truth is... I am fearful. Fearful of what the future holds, for all of us, really.
Fearful that, at any moment, all of this work could be for nothing.
And for a while, I've been content to just keep my head down, run my day-job, pay my bills, absorb my daily dose of content, write some notes here and there, rinse and repeat.
But what has indulging this fear gotten me?
... almost nothing, but pain. A quiet kind of pain.
Deep down, I know I could have done more. I could have just ignored the world and all its bullshit.
But there it is, like a splinter in my mind.
And the sad part is... this fear is not unwarranted. Consider all that has happened as of late:
Deplatforming, censorship, outrage mobs and scandals. One threat after another, one loss after another.
How is any sane person supposed to react, to what could correctly be described as the coming storm, Orwell's future, simply dressed up in the Current Year's clothes?
At least for me, it isn't conducive to a proper state of mind, a state that I need to be in for creating my best work... any work at all, for that matter.
Somehow, other artists are more able to put it out of their minds, at least temporarily. They are able to detach themselves from this hellish reality.
I have to learn some kind of technique to do this, or I may as well hang up my hat now.
I have to do something, or I will go insane, or worse. Seeing my lack of productivity - when I know I can do so much more - is killing me inside.
I have since dropped Facebook, something I probably should have done a while ago. Something tells me it will go some ways toward improving this situation.
I have also reluctantly dropped Patreon, because I can no longer trust them to apply their TOS consistently. Thanks to the last wave of unfair business practices, I cannot stomach knowing that some of my money goes to them while I support artists, political commentators, and so forth.
I will continue using DeviantArt. There's too much I love about it. I can only hope they, too, will not buckle and pivot against Free Expression like Tumblr has.
Newgrounds has, by contrast, proven itself a beacon as of late. So far, the site has only gotten better.
I have to hope that Tom and the rest of the team know what they are doing, and are willing to face the challenges of the future, that they will not betray their principles, that they will stand with creators, the People.
So long as they do that, I will be a lifetime supporter of this site. Not one month will go by that I haven't donated.
This world needs heroes now more than ever. Maybe I am not a hero, myself... but I can still be a pillar of support.
I will be using Newgrounds more often, now that my list of frequently-used sites has gotten smaller, and I'm beginning to remember what a jewel this place is. And... maybe... I'll finally get my own ball rolling again.